3 new wedding-planning books for same-sex couples

When then-San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom directed the city clerk to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples in February 2004, many longtime partners found themselves racing to City Hall. With the potential for the weddings to halt at any moment, the focus in 2004 was less on the wedding itself and more on obtaining the piece of paper that made them among the first legally wed gay and lesbian couples in the United States.

In the decade since, much has changed. As states continue to open marriage to gay couples several books seek to both answer questions about planning same-sex ceremonies and document the first wave of legal same-sex marriages in the U.S. Just in time for autumn wedding season, these books are designed to answer your same-sex-wedding questions, whether you’re brides, grooms or guests.

“The New Art of Capturing Love”

For Thea Dodds and Kathryn Hamm, co-authors of the same-sex wedding photo compilation “The New Art of Capturing Love: The Essential Guide to Lesbian & Gay Wedding Photography” (Amphoto Books), part of telling the stories of the couples in the book is sharing how the new wave of gay weddings is changing overall nuptial culture. The book, featuring 180 images of 72 couples, includes weddings big and small across the United States, including several Northern California ceremonies.

“The dynamism and variety of same-sex weddings have had a ripple effect throughout the industry,” says Hamm, who is also the president of the LGBT wedding site Gay

weddings.com. “Same-sex couples adhere to many wedding traditions but also discard rituals that do not pertain to them and adjust others to become more relevant.”

She stresses that ultimately, heterosexual couples have much to gain from marriage equality when it comes to creative examples of how to personalize a wedding.

“Capturing Love” is a great resource for same-sex couples trying to navigate the photography scheme for their celebrations — or what can be the more sensitive terrain of family dynamics and acceptance.

“Getting Groomed”

Adapting traditions to fit the needs of same-sex couples is the focus of Jason Mitchell’s “Getting Groomed: The Ultimate Wedding Planner for Gay Grooms” (Chronicle Books). The book focuses on the specific needs of gay men walking down the aisle — “but that’s not to rule out a lesbian sequel,” says Mitchell, a playwright and wedding planner in New York.

The book offers hints about how men can navigate traditional protocol like use of honorifics on invitations (for simplicity’s sake, Mitchell opts not to use them) and organizing the wedding party (“Think of one of you as the bride,” he says, when referring to the use of terms “bridesmaids” and “groomsmen”). The book also includes standard wedding worksheets for budgeting, keeping track of printed materials and catering options.

“When my husband, Michael, and I first got engaged,” says Mitchell, who has planned numerous weddings of all persuasions, “there was no book or planner that was specific to the needs of gay men.” He tried to translate other guides and organizers for his own needs, but as he found himself rewriting and editing other materials to suit a same-sex couple, the idea for “Groomed” was born.

“Getting Groomed” includes gay wedding resources, websites and vendors with an LGBT-friendly track record.

“The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings”

For a book that covers both sides of the same-sex wedding aisle, there’s Tess Ayers (from Marin County) and Paul Brown’s “The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings” (the Experiment, an imprint of Workman Publishing), now in its third edition. The original guide was published in 1994, in an era where symbolic commitment ceremonies were the norm. The newest edition has been updated to include information about wedding trends and habits (such as the recent phenomenon of bakers’ cake-tasting fees) as well as guides to different types of venues, invitation formats and the challenges of dressing two brides or two grooms and striking the right fashion balance. Ayers and Brown also offer hints on how to deal with family members (an obstacle at many weddings but sometimes more so in same-sex weddings) with humor, and shared experiences that will help any couple put their wedding into perspective.