Readers respond to bride upset about proposal at her wedding

The letters below are in response to a Sept. 28 column from a bride who was upset that the best man had proposed to his girlfriend during her wedding:

Dr. Marcia!

How could you! The guy who proposed at someone else’s wedding is beyond boorish. This guy is no friend and should be dumped at once.

If this groom doesn’t cleave to his bride and offer 100 percent support, their next stop will be “Can this marriage be saved.”

If the “best” man did not intend to be rude or mean or steal the spot light, then he is also beyond stupid. He will do other thoughtless and hurtful things; the friendship is not worth it.

You don’t get over this. You are lucky to get past it. And having this guy in your life will keep the wound open.

Signed, “Birdybee”

Dear BirdyBee,

If people went around dismissing everyone who ever did something insensitive to them - the first time it happened – no one would have any friends!

What happened to forgiveness or second chances ? And on that topic – I’ve yet to meet someone who can honestly say they have never said or done something to someone in their lives that they regretted and needed to apologize for.

Yes, at the time it was very upsetting – and probably for some time afterwards. And - the groomsman should have discussed the possibility of proposing with the bride and groom and respected whatever they said. But even though he didn’t – the bride and groom should at least give the guy the opportunity to own up to his behavior and let him apologize sincerely about his thoughtlessness so that they can all move past it and eventually be laughing at it the situation.

Most brides have some sort of complaint about something done by a guest or family member at their wedding they did not like – but to write somebody off is not the way to go. Have a “cooling off period” - and accept the apology.

If the groom had told me that he did talk to his friend about how he and his new wife felt about what was done - and the groomsman refused to apologize because he did not think there was anything wrong with it – then my response would have been different.

I would even tend to think that the girl who was the recipient of the proposal – although happy she got a ring – probably would have preferred if it happened in a different venue. I’m certain she’s even expressed to her new fiancé that she understands the bride being upset – because she too would not appreciate if that was done at her wedding.

And even if the newly engaged couple thought it was flattering to the bride and groom that their wedding was chosen to propose at – and that they would be happy if someone proposed at their wedding - they still need to respect that the bride did not appreciate it and apologize.

If the upstaged bride reads this – I’d like her to update me on what happened with this drama!